when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
