The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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