I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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