It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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