sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
he shaved USA in his pubs
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
All the doctor said was why
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
