no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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