I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
