Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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