I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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