i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
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