I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
this is an emotional support booty call
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
