I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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