Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
