Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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