I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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