I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
