Just cropdusted the office
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
