I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Mom said you looked used
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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