i think i have two assholes
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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