By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
