it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
accomplished twins. life is a go
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
40s are totally the cure
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
