My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
