she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
