You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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