he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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