I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
