My nipple is on Facebook.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
