WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
