We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
