She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
this hospital has no fireball
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize