Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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