I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
