Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
