Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
