I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize