see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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