Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I queefed so loud it echoed.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
