my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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