My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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