Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
