i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
