Someone shit on the floor
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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