what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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