so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
No subtext here. People are naked.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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