Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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