Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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