I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
