first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
