so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
