So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
this boner is exhausting
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
