she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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