yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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