she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize