last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
a search helicopter?!
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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