we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
