Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
