I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
