i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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