Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
this hospital has no fireball
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
