she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize