there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
