She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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