I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Randomize
