to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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