I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
