would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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