I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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