do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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