we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
