I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
