Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize