No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
