dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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