That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
