I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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